quiero agarrar la pluma y escribir ya mi destino en piedra, para asi saber mi siguiente paso. quiero definir ya mi transito por esta vida terrenal, determinarlo.
I wanna carve out my destiny, piece by piece, inch by inch, by the force of my own pulse and hand, shape it and give it its form and purpose.
I want to design it, create it, write it.
Quiero escribirlo en el papel de la existencia con tinta indeleble, y no volver atras. Nunca volver a preguntar.
Quiero dar respuestas a mis propias preguntas, encontrarlas y continuar. '
Quiero justificar mi existencia mas alla de una combinacion circunstancial.
Necesito nacer de nuevo, y no de mis cenizas.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
A la memoria de mi adorada Abuela
I met her at the assisted living residence, I did not know then what I know now; but isn't that the case throughout?
I was struck by her radiance in spirit and strength in character, and by her beauty; conquering the effect of the strolling wheelchair and the tank of oxygen she was carrying on her side.
She was dressed in green, particularly beautiful eyes. I will not forget you Alberta, and your spirit. I could not help but notice how resolved she was and affluent in her giving to us, her guests and her audience. We were sharing the Baha'i faith with one of her dearly loved friends, who was joyfully sharing our reception with her.
The deepness to which she undertook the task at hand left me enchanted for a while. I remember vividly a metaphor of swords and life; and I left The Seven Valleys of Baha'u'llah with her that night.
Days later I returned, and this time she shared with me her memories, from an old diary, and her recent visits from special types of birds... it appeared she knew in detail about them; I shared with her an Indian tale about a bird who despised every male and ended up alone... we stared at the window for a while...
I will not share her love life, but I will say her true love was her daughter, and I think we knew that that is what was connecting us. I too have a true love...
She also knew about Genealogy, and when I think of my ancestors, I remember the words of Alberta; and I think how much she studied her own lineage and knew its spiritual importance. She had native American blood... she was a brave, strong, courageous woman. May God keep her in His bounteous mercy and grace.
I think of my dearly beloved Grandmother, and I think about what she taught me... and I think about who she was and the spirit she left in our hearts. Dear Grandmother, I love you... you were a second mother to me, since I was very young. I saw your pictures today, when you were with my grandfather. I know you watch after us, from the stars. I know God has your spirit in His hand. I pray for your memory and I pray for all of us, your family, that we may make you proud. Many things I did not know about you, but you would always sing and that always brought joy to my heart... until today. I see you, in my mind, singing in your kitchen, overlooking through the window your grandsons and daughters... joyful and consecrated to your family and to the memory of my grandfather. How I wish I could be like you! Your memory is precious to me... Abuelita, como la vida sigue y nosotros continuamos el camino lo mejor que podemos... hay veces que erro el camino, muchas veces... pero continuo intentandolo y te prometo que quiero hacer a tu memoria una ofrenda digna.
Aun no se lo que es, pero se que tu espiritu en el cielo, de la mano de nuestro Dios guiara mis pasos. Gracias por lo que fuiste para mi.
Te amo,
tu nieta Tatiana.
I was struck by her radiance in spirit and strength in character, and by her beauty; conquering the effect of the strolling wheelchair and the tank of oxygen she was carrying on her side.
She was dressed in green, particularly beautiful eyes. I will not forget you Alberta, and your spirit. I could not help but notice how resolved she was and affluent in her giving to us, her guests and her audience. We were sharing the Baha'i faith with one of her dearly loved friends, who was joyfully sharing our reception with her.
The deepness to which she undertook the task at hand left me enchanted for a while. I remember vividly a metaphor of swords and life; and I left The Seven Valleys of Baha'u'llah with her that night.
Days later I returned, and this time she shared with me her memories, from an old diary, and her recent visits from special types of birds... it appeared she knew in detail about them; I shared with her an Indian tale about a bird who despised every male and ended up alone... we stared at the window for a while...
I will not share her love life, but I will say her true love was her daughter, and I think we knew that that is what was connecting us. I too have a true love...
She also knew about Genealogy, and when I think of my ancestors, I remember the words of Alberta; and I think how much she studied her own lineage and knew its spiritual importance. She had native American blood... she was a brave, strong, courageous woman. May God keep her in His bounteous mercy and grace.
I think of my dearly beloved Grandmother, and I think about what she taught me... and I think about who she was and the spirit she left in our hearts. Dear Grandmother, I love you... you were a second mother to me, since I was very young. I saw your pictures today, when you were with my grandfather. I know you watch after us, from the stars. I know God has your spirit in His hand. I pray for your memory and I pray for all of us, your family, that we may make you proud. Many things I did not know about you, but you would always sing and that always brought joy to my heart... until today. I see you, in my mind, singing in your kitchen, overlooking through the window your grandsons and daughters... joyful and consecrated to your family and to the memory of my grandfather. How I wish I could be like you! Your memory is precious to me... Abuelita, como la vida sigue y nosotros continuamos el camino lo mejor que podemos... hay veces que erro el camino, muchas veces... pero continuo intentandolo y te prometo que quiero hacer a tu memoria una ofrenda digna.
Aun no se lo que es, pero se que tu espiritu en el cielo, de la mano de nuestro Dios guiara mis pasos. Gracias por lo que fuiste para mi.
Te amo,
tu nieta Tatiana.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Understanding life
I played fair, and I lost.
...but, looking back; was it fair for me too?
Hay veces que es necesario poner el dedo en la llaga, y calar hasta los huesos; hundir el colmillo y no dejar ir el hueso.
Me cree ilusiones: acerca de mi, acerca de ti; acerca de todos. Y perdi, me puse en el ultimo peldano. Como reclamar lo que es mio?; lo que deje ir como agua entre los dedos. Pinte, sin yo saberlo, una vida que no era la mia, y puse a todos (menos a mi) de protagonista. Me deje en bancarrota, detras de bambalinas, inexistente como un cerillo casi calcinado.
Jugue y perdi, porque regale mi victoria; me converti en la espectadora de mi propia vida. Aprendi a juzgarme, mas no a levantarme y seguir luchando. Aprendi a compadecerme, y a detestar mi piel; y no me ame. Supuse que si lograba que alguien me quisiera, bastaria. Quise que lo que no crei tener me diera mi valia perdida, y no supe apreciar lo que se me dio a manos llenas. Desesperada me perdi, erre el rumbo, me escondi de mi misma y una oscuridad se aprovecho de mi inteligencia. Sucumbi a ella y me volvi ignorante, despota. Envidiosa y deprimida. No me sentia comoda en mi propia piel. Solo fanfarroneria.
Muerta por dentro un dia me reconoci, alze la vista al sol y su luz brillaba en mi piel. Una brisa suave y calida traspaso mis poros, y por fin respire mi vida. Alze la vista, y me vi, por primera vez en veintisiete anos; completa, estable, llena de potencial, suenos y ganas que un dia crei perdidos. La vida comienza aqui, me dije, la vida no es del color que te la pintaste. Las derrotas no tuvieron sentido, porque no tenia ningun sentido tu vida. No aprendiste de tus errores, porque no deseabas continuar el camino. Despreciaste el amor porque no te amabas. No agradeciste las bendiciones en tu vida porque no te gustaba ser quien eres. Ahora te das cuenta de quien eres, y te das cuenta del amor que te rodea. Los suenos que puedes lograr, la inteligencia opacada por la frialdad y la complacencia, ahora aflora en un corazon lleno de paz. Ahora me quiero dar a la vida a manos llenas, con el corazon y la cabeza bien puestos y con toda mi fe en Dios, nuestro padre celestial, que me ha guiado en este camino y, de no ser por su bondad, estaria derrotada por mis errores. Gracias a su bondad y misericordia, me salvaguardo de mi libertina ignorancia. Soy, porque tu quieres que sea. Existo, porque tu me has brindado vida. Gracias por mi vida. Gracias por haberme mandado a mi hija, Dios padre, gracias por el amor que derrochas sobre mi y sobre mis hermanos.
Te amo.
Is there any Remover of difficulties save God? Say: Praised be God! He is God! All are His servants, and all abide by His bidding!
The Báb
...but, looking back; was it fair for me too?
Hay veces que es necesario poner el dedo en la llaga, y calar hasta los huesos; hundir el colmillo y no dejar ir el hueso.
Me cree ilusiones: acerca de mi, acerca de ti; acerca de todos. Y perdi, me puse en el ultimo peldano. Como reclamar lo que es mio?; lo que deje ir como agua entre los dedos. Pinte, sin yo saberlo, una vida que no era la mia, y puse a todos (menos a mi) de protagonista. Me deje en bancarrota, detras de bambalinas, inexistente como un cerillo casi calcinado.
Jugue y perdi, porque regale mi victoria; me converti en la espectadora de mi propia vida. Aprendi a juzgarme, mas no a levantarme y seguir luchando. Aprendi a compadecerme, y a detestar mi piel; y no me ame. Supuse que si lograba que alguien me quisiera, bastaria. Quise que lo que no crei tener me diera mi valia perdida, y no supe apreciar lo que se me dio a manos llenas. Desesperada me perdi, erre el rumbo, me escondi de mi misma y una oscuridad se aprovecho de mi inteligencia. Sucumbi a ella y me volvi ignorante, despota. Envidiosa y deprimida. No me sentia comoda en mi propia piel. Solo fanfarroneria.
Muerta por dentro un dia me reconoci, alze la vista al sol y su luz brillaba en mi piel. Una brisa suave y calida traspaso mis poros, y por fin respire mi vida. Alze la vista, y me vi, por primera vez en veintisiete anos; completa, estable, llena de potencial, suenos y ganas que un dia crei perdidos. La vida comienza aqui, me dije, la vida no es del color que te la pintaste. Las derrotas no tuvieron sentido, porque no tenia ningun sentido tu vida. No aprendiste de tus errores, porque no deseabas continuar el camino. Despreciaste el amor porque no te amabas. No agradeciste las bendiciones en tu vida porque no te gustaba ser quien eres. Ahora te das cuenta de quien eres, y te das cuenta del amor que te rodea. Los suenos que puedes lograr, la inteligencia opacada por la frialdad y la complacencia, ahora aflora en un corazon lleno de paz. Ahora me quiero dar a la vida a manos llenas, con el corazon y la cabeza bien puestos y con toda mi fe en Dios, nuestro padre celestial, que me ha guiado en este camino y, de no ser por su bondad, estaria derrotada por mis errores. Gracias a su bondad y misericordia, me salvaguardo de mi libertina ignorancia. Soy, porque tu quieres que sea. Existo, porque tu me has brindado vida. Gracias por mi vida. Gracias por haberme mandado a mi hija, Dios padre, gracias por el amor que derrochas sobre mi y sobre mis hermanos.
Te amo.
Is there any Remover of difficulties save God? Say: Praised be God! He is God! All are His servants, and all abide by His bidding!
The Báb
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
waterfall reflections
Voy a dejar de ser dura conmigo misma. Muchos de los errores que cometo son una primera experiencia. La vida hay que saber vivirla, dijo mi abuela. Y la vida la sabes vivir si aprendes a vivirla, y aprendes solo si la vives. Pienso que uno se vuelve duro por los golpes que ha recibido; te endureces y te vuelves amargo por dentro. No vives el momento. No vives enteramente.
Quiero ser vulnerable una vez mas, amar irrestringidamente; y no juzgarme si no logro hacerlo y si lo hago de mas. Debo aprender a perdonarme. Si las personas han sido duras conmigo, aprendere a perdonarlas al instante y no culparme. Y lo mas importante, sere lo mejor de mi a cada instante y con todas las personas, y ante nuestro Dios.
"Oh son of man, humble thyself before Me, that I may graciously visit thee."
Quiero ser vulnerable una vez mas, amar irrestringidamente; y no juzgarme si no logro hacerlo y si lo hago de mas. Debo aprender a perdonarme. Si las personas han sido duras conmigo, aprendere a perdonarlas al instante y no culparme. Y lo mas importante, sere lo mejor de mi a cada instante y con todas las personas, y ante nuestro Dios.
"Oh son of man, humble thyself before Me, that I may graciously visit thee."
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Today live a dignified life. Today you must stop running away. Turn around and give that extra push needed to regain direction. Don't despair. Be exhilarated. Experience your life back in your veins, your limbs, all the layers of your skin; they are all connected to your mind. You must not fear, you must be courageous. Stop and realize you'll spend your life running away. There will be no better chance to own up to the moment you are living. Now. Everything will be ok if you try. Just try. You must get yourself out of this nowhere, out into a better place. You've gone astray, running away. Face the challenge. Take the challenge. You have a guardian, an angel; she will be with you in every step, every moment. You will realize your life is at your very grasp. Start the engine and utilize the momentum; soon you will see: your life is yours to live.
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